Too many things to do

Too much to do

When I’m overloaded, I have stress dreams about failing to move out of a house in time for new tenants to move in. I always have too much to pack and no one will help me. I think I have one more load left, but when I look again there are four. It keeps repeating, like Groundhog Day.

These dreams tend to visit me when I have too much to do in the time I have.

So to manage my time I do a sort of triage. First comes any work that earns money (a priority right now). Second comes anything related to commitments I made to other people. Then, in the time remaining, I do what feels like the best return on my time. It feels like a luxury when I get to stage 3.

This triage makes me very careful about when I make a commitment. I don’t like to break my word, and I don’t like to re-negotiate. But I do like to sleep through the night and awake refreshed.

Cards and Presents – Expectations

I can be a very sentimental gal, but I’m also pragmatic. I’ve found that if I make my expectations clear, I am more likely to be pleased with the outcome.

Take Valentines Day. A card is expected, a present is welcome. Since I’ve put that right out there, I’m 100% likely to get a card, and somewhat likely to get a present.

Some people tell me they think this takes all the romance out, or ruins the sponaneity. I say, how much romance or spontaneity is there in hurt feelings? By my thinking, I know he loves me. He knows that I know he loves me. But I like to be told in excessive and beautiful ways, once a year. OK, twice a year — we also have an anniversary, which is handily half a year away from Valentines Day.

I find that, in general, asking for what I want is a healthy practice. I also find that, in some cases, it just isn’t going to work; no matter how nicely I ask, or how clearly I make my wants known, the other party just isn’t going to meet my expectations. All I can say then is, “Oh Well. I tried.” (I find this reliably forseeable at work.)

So, for hunny, here it is:

1. Birthday: card and present expected.

2. Christmas: card not required, but presents expected.

3. Valentines Day: card expected, presents appreciated but not required

4. Anniversary: card required. Present optional, except on ‘landmark’ anniversaries. On any anniversary, a romantic escape truly appreciated.

I suggest you give it a go. Usually, your partner will want to meet your expectations — they will want you to feel loved. And if you help them along by telling them what you want, well, aren’t you just the most helpful lover imaginable?

Yes, you are. :-)

Don’t get too complacent

Just when things are going smoothly, nothing too terrible going on — the doggies are healthy, bonfire night and the terrifying fireworks are over so that cat can go out at night again, hunny has started a new job that takes him to an office every day rather than working from home, and the elderly doggies seem to have got the hang of the creature-flap and run we’ve had built for them, the buses run on time, it’s only 3 more weeks until we finally get a pay day, and I love working half days in the office and half days at home, and all is well with the world — all that, and hunny says, while chewing his fish and rosti tonight, ‘Bloody hell, what’s that?’ What, indeed. One of his upper molars just broke in half, and there’s a bit of his tooth in his food.

The typically British thing that made me smile, was when his mum rang a little while later. I could only hear his half of the conversation: ‘Oh, not too bad thanks. I just had a tooth break on me tonight.’

You’ve got to love the Brits. Mustn’t grumble. So, how’re you doing then? Oh, not too bad. Bless.

Explaining who I am

I’m preparing a presentation for tomorrow, in which I introduce myself and my team to another division that has merged with ours. I want to tell them just enough about me to satisfy their curiosity, but not so much that I overwhelm the reserved Brits with my American ‘earnestness’. I have a post-grad degree in a funny subject: consciousness. I work in IT, remember. Should I mention it because it will explain why I have the focus on things that I do? Or shall I omit it because it is un-traditional, and therefore wrong (as my husband likes to say)?

In most things I do, I have various perspectives and can probably make a case for any solution to a problem. This annoys my colleagues who think I’m undecided or that I must spend hours analysing before deciding. Not really. It’s just that to me, things aren’t black and white. I can too easily see someone else’s POV. At least, most of the time. Or, when I’m feeling generous.

In my view, the correct answer to most strategical or tactical questions is. ‘It depends.’

Hmmm. I answered my own question (as you do). Should I tell them how, when I was in my mid-forties, I decided to get a masters degree in an esoteric subject?

It depends.

Daily Practice

I eavesdropped on a telephone conversation this afternoon. The speaker on our sofa told his caller: Jeff Atwood is one of the most widely read IT bloggers; he said the secret to success was to write something daily.

I think that’s a profound truth. Any time you demonstrate commitment to something, what’s that hackneyed Goethe quote, the universe moves in unforeseen ways to help you along the path toward what your dream. Something like that, anyway.

If something is important enough in my life that it warrants a commitment to regular performance, that’s good. And then if I actually actually follow through with regular performance, it becomes a practice. And we all know that when we practice we improve. (In fact, isn’t the cycle something like: the more I practice the better I get, and the better I get the more I enjoy my activity, and the more I enjoy my activity the more I practice, and the more I practice the better I get, etc.)

So, fine. If I write something here daily, or weekly, or whatever becomes my committed schedule, I shall reap the rewards of commitment.

Sharepoint communities

I spend my working hours in IT, investigating systems problems and recommending solutions. Not the kind of systems you may first think of, but cultural systems, systems of interfacing processes and dynamics. System dynamics. How we all work with our processes and flows to accomplish something useful or beautiful.

Today at work, I was introduced to a project one of the teams has undertaken, to use sharepoint as a single point of collaboration for all of the project data in the IT organisation. I thought about what that meant, both in terms of the ease with which everyone will be kept informed, and the collaboration that could be emerging as the various interested people work together for a common good. That sounds like community building.

We work in silos. They call it ‘demand driven services’, but it actually feels more like ‘I’m not committed to it’ services. Different technologists with different skills all contract their services to the hapless project manager. The PM is the linchpin, and the analysts, architects, developers and testers pitch in for only a short while, until their particular contribution is complete. I guess you could look at them as internal contractors, only without the high daily rate. What’s gained, supposedly, is a flexibility and a capacity for more throughput. What’s lost, apparently, is the joy and fun of working with a team to achieve a successful result. The reality is that because people aren’t invested in a successful project outcome, there’s no energy, no commitment to a shared goal, or any of the things that make IT project work really fun! Not to mention that without the commitment an outstanding result is unlikely.

So now comes an angel with a collaborative project. She began the work knowing the result would be useful to her and her team, at least. If others found out about it and thought it could help them, then magic would happen.

Well, today, the magic happened. Our team has committed to collaborating with their team. The things we track about project milestones and quality checks will be merged with the things they track about budget and schedules, with each person or team having a unique view of the data.

This is cultural change at its most heart-warming. One person’s vision and commitment plants a seed that grows into something amazing.

Isn’t that just the best?

The Value of a Personal Trainer

A little over a year ago I decided to hire a personal trainer to help me achieve some fitness goals. Don’t misunderstand me, please — I am in my mid-fifties, work in a sedentary IT job, and basically hate to get all sweaty. But age is catching up with me, and my weight is a problem, exacerbating my arthritic knees, hips and right thumb. I know myself very well, and I would never achieve anything by trying to go it alone.

I made a list of the qualities important to me in a personal trainer; I happened to find it again just the other day. Female, definitely — the most important thing because I know women understand other women, and generally I consider that to be a good thing (Big Brother notwithstanding). Someone over 30, because no one can really know what they’re doing any younger than that, can they? Not pc, I know, but there it is. Someone experienced in a more holistic outlook on health and well-being, where we give equal effort to mind, body and spirit, or at least to exercise, nutrition and positive thinking.

I googled and found Alan Gordon. No, not a woman, but everything else I thought I wanted and some things I didn’t know I wanted. From last August until this August, Alan has come to my house most Tuesday afternoons to work me over, err, out. I still have the sedentary IT job, but now I walk over to the other side of the building instead of emailing. I still hate to get all sweaty, but I do that too, every Tuesday.

This past July I took a walking holiday in the Alps. My knees held up superbly. My hips still have some problems, but we’re working on them. In Wengen, on the advice from a spry octogenarian seated at the dining table next to ours, I bought a pair of those trendy walking poles. He said they gave him confidence, especially on the downhill walks, and was sure they’d do the same for me. Boy! Do they ever!

But not nearly as much confidence as having Alan there all the time telling me that my knees are good, that I’m well-balanced and some parts of me are strong.

It’s a wonderful thing to set a goal, then find that others in the world come along with just the right support and help, exactly when it’s needed.

Trendy Confidence Enhancers

Displacement Activities

I have a list of things to do that is as long as my arm.

Some must be done soon (I’ve promised someone, or we leave on holiday, or I’m paid to do it).

Some don’t really need to be done at all. I bought a tallboy chest of drawers from a man moving out of the country. This was in support of my determination to de-clutter and organise my walk-in closet. I have so many things stored in the closet that there’s not room to put all my clothes away, so they are stacked on top of the dressers, on the chair and crammed in on hangers.

In the past three months a few things have jumped past this task in my ‘10 Most Important Things to Do’ list.

1- plan a holiday, 2- take a holiday, 3- plant potatoes, 4- harvest potatoes, 5- read Harry Potter 7, 6- make a commitment to get a hobby (to improve my work-life balance), 7- meet Mike for lunch, 8- read Capers Jones new book about software estimating, 9- download the holiday snaps, 10- start a blog.

We’ll see now how much enthusiasm I can muster here. And then see if I can transfer that enthusiasm to taking care of things that I really should take care of.